Whether you are a Jane Austen fan or not, that gal is funny. Her humor is settle, and quite hidden at times. Only those who are fully attentive receive the full benefits from the text. One notion that I completely agree with Jane Austen on is her thoughts on "quick love", the over-giving of affection and how flirting can make you look ridiculous. Her stories have both quick found love and the love that reveals itself later. However, the best relationships are the ones that have had time to grow and mature. I tend to gravitate towards the relationship that are more than just surface level. Relationships that run deep. "...and she will be the most determined flirt that ever made herself and her family ridiculous. A flirt, too, in the worst and meanest degree of flirtation; without any attraction beyond youth and a tolerable person; and from the ignorance and emptiness of her mind, wholly unable to ward off any portion of that universal contempt which her rage for admiration will excite. In this danger Kitty is also comprehended. She will follow wherever Lydia leads. -- Vain, ignorant, idle, and absolutely uncontrolled!" -Pride and Prejudice
Sometimes I feel like I would have to become a ridiculous flirt to receive any attention from a guy. I feel that in my personality I am friendly towards everyone, but I am not quick to be flirty or to just give my affections away to just anyone. The other day while in a conversation a boy commented that a flirts is a confident girl. Well...I don't know about that statement. I would argue that it goes both ways. I don't feel that I lack confidence, I don't feel that I am incapable of flirting. I just choose whom I wish to flirt with and also when I want to flirt. I have no desire to flirt with someone that I have no interest in, I feel it to be somewhat selfish. I tend to be very personal about my affections and that includes my flirting. I am different in various settings, ranging from large group settings, to smaller, to one on one, as are most people.
It is also very possible that girls that lack confidence use flirting as a way to reassure themselves and fulfill something. I see many girls who almost require some guys attention, almost like an energy source that keeps them going. Is this what Jane Austen refers to as the worst and meanest degree of flirtation? I suppose that it depends on ones views are on the purpose of flirting. One view could to just to satisfy personal satisfaction at the expense of another, than could be a signal used to show interest in another person in hopes of a deeper relationship. Maybe there is a middle ground that has a little bit of both. However, the second view satisfies the first one as well. I guess honestly the first view point angers me, I do feel like it is selfish and has no regard for others feelings. I want my flirting to mean something. I want it to be real. And I definitely want the other person to know that it is real.
As to the nature of flirting, I think you're spot on in that there are multiple layers of flirting. People flirt for different reasons (some out of compulsion, some out of boredom, and some for legitimate attraction). It's often difficult to distinguish (from a distance) the actual motivation behind a flirt, but it can become readily apparent if (as with Austen) one takes a moment to evaluate what's being conveyed.
I think your final summation is a great outlook...in flirting (as with anything) there needs to be honesty and truth. Otherwise it's simply creating a myth that then either needs to be perpetuated or else will end up collapsing in on itself with some repercussions.