Selfishness is one of those strange concepts. It is always taught that selfishness is not a desirable trait. However, I believe that there are two types of selfishness. And we only talk about one. This other selfishness is the ability to allow time for yourself and your needs. Being able to do what will make you happy despite others feelings. This is a hard lesson to learn, and a hard characteristic to balance. I think that I learned this concept the hard way. I've always been a person that likes to give and desires to make others happy. At one point I was in a situation where I had a best friend, and I loved and cared about him. But I became so focused on his wants and desires that I didn't look at what I wanted and I became unhappy. I took me a while to figure out that what I wanted and what he wanted were not in alignment. Despite my love for him, a relationship with him never felt right to me. In the end, I made a hard and selfish decision. Selfish in that I choose to make myself happy and had to put aside how he would feel. A rather difficult time, I choose to leave my best friend and it still has an aching feeling, but I did what I needed to do.
And unlike selfishness, selflessness is always praised. I believe that this is the key to friendship and love. It is the ability to give up your desires for someone else. Having an understanding that it isn’t always about you and also that it doesn’t have to be allows you to give of yourself. Last week in a discussion it was said that you shouldn't have to pretend to like something just because someone else does. Well, yes, of course you shouldn't pretend that you do. I think that the idea is that you go or participate because it is enjoyable to your friend. The idea being, it's not what you're doing but who you're with. I am not a huge fan of Sci-Fi things, I'm much more a fantasy person :). But I have a friend who loves Star Trek and I had never seen an episode. He wanted to share something that was enjoyable and important to him with me. And so we watched an episode, now I didn't turn into a Trekkie, but I enjoyed the time spent and the experience gained. It's not always about you or me, it's about appreciating our friends and how they are different. Some of the best experiences have been when I have had an open mind and just gone. And I've learn so much about the different aspects of this life.
Selflessness or lack of has a tremendous impact on a relationship. I want to spend my life with someone who understands selflessness. Because I would rather have someone care more about me than himself because I know that I would do the same. It is so important to have this characteristic, it allows humility and love to be in the relationship. I find that a person that understands selflessness in a relationship tends to find others that share this same trait. I don't understand how a person can believe that they will be able to find someone who is selfless and kindhearted if they themselves don't possess those traits. There are just some traits that need to be mirrored. It also goes the other way, those who are selfish and prideful will probably be in a relationship with someone who has similar traits. This can create interesting situations through out the relationship. Most times a feeling that they have to defend themselves comes through. I would never want to be in that type of situation where my significant other is not on my side. 
Balance in life gives the best kind of life. Having both selfishness and selflessness is how I wish to live my life, having the courage to do what needs to be done, to do what is best for me, and also being able to give my time, my kindness and one day my heart to someone else.