The unknown, the wilderness, the dark. 
In our lives we face all different types of wildernesses. And it scares us. We face little wildernesses all the time. There is a lot in our day that is left to the unknown, many things that could potentially happen, yet every day we move forward. But what causes us to dread these unknowns in our life, why do they cause fear?
And why despite the fact that the wilderness maybe by the way to the best experiences do we remain content and satisfied without taking a single step in that direction? And by making the choice to be content are we cheating ourselves ? Have we become comfortably numb?
Are we missing out on the best experiences of our life because we are afraid of failing, afraid of getting hurt, of having a humbling experience, afraid they we may not be the best.
I was reading an article about firsts, and how your first kiss, your first close experience with death, first experience with heartbreak, first experience with success all of these have a profound impact on your memory. To the point where these are some of the points that you will forever remember. Everyone remembers their first kiss, but who remembers their 100th kiss? And maybe there is a connection their between firsts and risks. I'm sure there are plenty of guys and gals who were terrified the first time they kissed someone. And yet, they took that risk and conquered the "kiss" 
One of the experiences that I remember is when I first started at Brigham Young University. I was moving to a city I had never been to before, moving in with people I'd never met to before. It was scary. But, I knew that attending BYU would be worth that risk. The first week was pretty rough. I remember that my class schedule just had acronyms for the names of the buildings, I had no idea where to go. I didn't know how to get around town, I had no idea where the grocery store was, I wasn't a fan of the non-protected green lights. (I liked having a turn arrow and no yielding.) But, I took control. I learned all the buildings names/acronyms, I Google mapped Provo and saw how best to navigate the city, I began to meet new people, develop friendships and the feelings of anxiety dissipated.
I think that sometimes in life, you can never fully prepare. Sometimes you have to just jump and paddle as hard as you can to float. Somethings you just don't know what to expect until you are in the thick of it. The business world, college, marriage, dating, buy a house, raising kids....
Have you ever noticed that if you driving down the road and there is a car on a cross street wanting to cross over and continue in the opposite direction that they will make a more risky move if there is a line of cars behind you verses just you (one car to wait for). Why is it that a car is willing to take a risk such as that, because they don't want to wait for the long line of cars to pass by? So can we make the assumption that people will make a riskier move if they feel their time is running short or their options are dwindling.
Why do we wait til our options are dwindling to take that risk, to make a move? Perhaps by then the best options are gone. I think we forget to look at situations in our lives as if they won't be there forever, because in reality, they probably won't be. Don't wait around. That job offers end, promotions can pass you by, college applications have deadlines, even relationships without the risk of commitment won't last (Beth and Ben from He's Just Not That Into You) people move on if you won't jump on ride with them. The people in life that get what they want, are the ones taking the risks.
I think that taking risks requires courage, faith, a sense of self worth and humility. It takes courage to face the scary wilderness, and faith that things will work out in the end. Self worth in that if things don't work out as hoped, and the word failure comes to mind, you can separate yourself from being a failure and failing at this one situation. And finally humility, being able to laugh at failing, and to remain level if great success becomes an outcome.
Some of the greatest leaders, talented artists and brilliant minds were told they weren't good enough. If they chose to listen, they wouldn't have left their mark in history.
Life = Risk 
"La vita e bella; la vita e amore. -- Life is beautiful; life is love."
from the movie "Life Is Beautiful"
Love is basically indescribable but, there have been many attempts to try and describe love. Love is patient, love is kind. Love is caring. Love is when a sacrifice doesn't feel like one. Love is compassionate and understanding. When you can't stop smiling. When you don't want to go to sleep because how could your dreams be better. When you heart beats fast. Makes you want to be a better person. Intense devotion. Love is passion. Love is wanting nothing more than to make the other person truly happy. You would rather spend time missing them then being with someone else. Trusting another person completely. Love is described as friendship on fire. Love is risk. When you accept someone completely. Love has depth, it's not a flat concept. There are many dimensions. I have created three dimensions. 
1. Physical/Sensual
People can't help it, we like to be touched, it feels good to be next to the person you are attracted to. The physical part of love is probably the one that is the most fun. Gives you those butterflies and gitty sensation every time you see them, wanting to be next to them. You make excuses to see them and be around them. It can also be a real deal breaker in a relationship, if there isn't that physical attraction then it just doesn't work. It's kind of like a car, a beautiful sports car with a great engine and has all the equipment needed for a great car but, it's not your type of car, then there's not petrol in the tank and that car can't go anywhere. And the ride isn't very enjoyable.
Although this part of the relationship is important it shouldn't be the foundation of the relationship. Relationships that are primarily centered on this have the tendency to last short amounts of time. Physical attraction can only last so long. Physical gets the first tank of gas going but in order to make it to the next station other parts of love are needed. Without it it's going to be a short trip and you'll both be stranded in the desert. Don't just base your relationship on this, all the dimensions are needed.
2.Mental
Trust. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. How can you love someone if you can't trust them. Part of love is having that deep connection. That ability to feel comfortable to tell the other anything. That despite your faults they still want to be with you. Love is compassionate and understanding.
Yes, I think that you do run the risk of being hurt, but that comes along with the territory of being in love. You are taking that risk that you could be hurt. They could betray your trust, but they could also never betray your trust. Think of Aladdin when he asks Princess Jasmine, "Do you trust me?" You don't know what the future holds, trusting is all you can do. Sometimes life can take you to unexpected but wonderful places.
"The hardest thing is loving someone and having the courage to let them love you back."
Respect. This isn't one that people think of when they think of love. But when you love someone you respect them. You aren't always going to agree with the person you love. There will be things that will result in disagreements.
Respect is especially important for women to understand. While women need love, men need respect. This is a hard concept to grasp and can sometimes be difficult to show. I think that it involves assessing the situation and then acting. Understanding that there are two different people involved and won't have the same views on everything. But being able to understand where they are coming from and speaking without harsh words or in an condescending tone. Here's an example: My Uncle loves to go hunting and for a long time my Aunt had a hard time understanding his point because it costs more to hunt for your own food. (My uncle's brother has a meat shop.) And yet she respected him and that it was something that he enjoyed. Later she just had to have the mentality that it was for entertainment purposes not for saving money.
Men and women are different, for good reason. To understand the other gender requires patience, a desire to understand and accepting that it may be something that they enjoy or feel strongly about. Sometimes you can't agree and you have to just shrug your shoulders and realize that you love them more than this silly agreement.
3. Emotional: The part of love that comes from your heart.
Caring is the type of love that girls love. We just eat it up. This type of love requires an attentiveness. Paying attention when they say they like something (or don't like something.) When they say their favorite cheesecake is pumpkin cheesecake and you surprise them with some pumpkin cheesecake. Caring about how they feel, whether they are having a bad day or are stressed out and thinking about how you can help them feel better.
This type of love is amazing because it is just the little things, things for no reason except to show them how you feel. I actually really enjoy expressing how I feel in this manner. I enjoy showing them I have paid attention and that I took the time an effort to do something for no reason, just because. And to use my creativity to do it. One of the best gifts I ever received from a boy was a song. He wrote the lyrics, composed the music, sang the song and played all the instruments. (All were recorded separately and then layered.) Much time and effort was put into this to express to me how he felt. 
Unconditional: I think that this the purest form of love. It transcends all, from race and gender, to class and religion, to physical appearance and occupation. Giving of your love and not asking for anything in return. Accepting a person for exactly who they are with their faults and loving them in spite of them. This type of love is also not determined by the recipient having mutual feelings. There once was a Uncle named Iroh and he had a nephew that was trying gain back the honor that he had lost from his Father. Iroh's nephew was struggling to find himself. And through his journey he said many cruel things to his uncle. Yet, his uncle just showed him kindness and understanding. In the end he left his Uncle, he thought that he found his way. But he soon learned that he hadn't. When he finally found his way back to his uncle, his uncle welcomed him back
Selflessness
This is a wonderful type of love. Just think about it, how amazing is it to have someone put you before themselves. In Beauty and the Beast, there is a scene where the Beast shows Belle the magic mirror and says that she can see anything she wants. She wishes to see her Father and sees that she is in danger. The Beast looks at the wilting, his time to turn back into a human again was running out. But, he surprises Belle and tells her to leave. He gave up what he thought was his only chance to be human again. And when asked why he let her go he said, "because I love her" 
Friendship/Platonic
A totally different type of love. This one involves mostly caring and selflessness. The notion that you would do anything for your family. Or anything for those close friends. This is the comfort food of love. When life seems tough and you need someone, friends and family are your comfort food.
Love is amazing, there really is no other feeling that can duplicate it.
Love can be simple. I think that being in love is when your heart and your mind are in agreement.
I've been thinking about my Mom a lot lately. And I was thinking about all the things that I have learned from her. All of which have influenced my life and what kind of mother I want to be.
One thing that I found to be amazing about my Mother was her patience. Whenever we did something wrong or when we messed up she would basically say "Ok, how can we fix this?" It's been a great lesson for me, sometimes the last thing that someone needs to hear when they made a mistake is that very thing. My Mother has amazing patience and understanding. An understanding that everyone learns, that sometimes you just need to talk.
Personal sacrifice. When you have children the concept of "it's no longer about you", is taken to a whole new level. I have seen the personal sacrifice of my Mother, helping with homework into the late hours of the night. Or giving of her time to take us here and there to better ourselves, to gain talents and pursue interests. I have a brother with a slight learning disability, but it's enough that it requires quite a bit of time and energy. I have always been amazed at how much my Mother gives to make his life less difficult.
Hugs. My Mom and I are quite close and there have been times where I've been hurt and don't want to talk about it but, I do want a hug.
Family time is important. I grew up in a family where we had dinner together every night. I think that there were times when I didn't want to have to leave my friends to go home for dinner. But, I look back in retrospect and think what would our family be like if we did not have dinner together every night. Thank goodness for home cooked meals.
An understanding that I need space. My Mom is very funny, not your typical Mom. She understands that I shouldn't be calling her everyday. That I need space to grow up, to develop relationships. And most important, I have learned from her that I will need to confide in my husband instead her, when that time comes.
All the medical remedies and diagnoses for sickness. I have been told time and time again that I am very motherly. I always have had roommates or friends that have come to me and said "Tina my head hurts." and sometimes it's "Tina, that boy broke my heart." I've learn how to comfort for physical hurt as well as emotional.
Education is required. I grew up in a house where education was always required. With parents that both have a Master's degree, just comes with the territory. I remember when I went to BYU my Mother told me, "Whatever you do, don't drop out of school if you get married." Well I guess her worries of that were in vain because that never happened. But, I am glad that education was pushed in my family.
Independence, is another characteristic. My mom is fiercely independent. Drives my Dad crazy sometimes. I have learned to push forward with life, no matter what comes. To be self-reliant, and to get things done. Which is probably why I'm usually not satisfied if someone else does it for me.
Little things: Dishsoap and dishwasher soap are not the same, musical appreciation, when you get a bad feeling about a situation trust yourself. Hugs are a remedy for a wide range of things. How to drive a manual car. 
I am so grateful for my Mother, someone who has amazing values, understands love and sacrifice. She has pushed me and helped me become the person I am today. Has always given me the benefit of the doubt, and has always been patient with me when I did not deserve it. Just finds the right things to say. Has been there through it all.
Thank you Mom, I love you.
Selfishness is one of those strange concepts. It is always taught that selfishness is not a desirable trait. However, I believe that there are two types of selfishness. And we only talk about one. This other selfishness is the ability to allow time for yourself and your needs. Being able to do what will make you happy despite others feelings. This is a hard lesson to learn, and a hard characteristic to balance. I think that I learned this concept the hard way. I've always been a person that likes to give and desires to make others happy. At one point I was in a situation where I had a best friend, and I loved and cared about him. But I became so focused on his wants and desires that I didn't look at what I wanted and I became unhappy. I took me a while to figure out that what I wanted and what he wanted were not in alignment. Despite my love for him, a relationship with him never felt right to me. In the end, I made a hard and selfish decision. Selfish in that I choose to make myself happy and had to put aside how he would feel. A rather difficult time, I choose to leave my best friend and it still has an aching feeling, but I did what I needed to do.
And unlike selfishness, selflessness is always praised. I believe that this is the key to friendship and love. It is the ability to give up your desires for someone else. Having an understanding that it isn’t always about you and also that it doesn’t have to be allows you to give of yourself. Last week in a discussion it was said that you shouldn't have to pretend to like something just because someone else does. Well, yes, of course you shouldn't pretend that you do. I think that the idea is that you go or participate because it is enjoyable to your friend. The idea being, it's not what you're doing but who you're with. I am not a huge fan of Sci-Fi things, I'm much more a fantasy person :). But I have a friend who loves Star Trek and I had never seen an episode. He wanted to share something that was enjoyable and important to him with me. And so we watched an episode, now I didn't turn into a Trekkie, but I enjoyed the time spent and the experience gained. It's not always about you or me, it's about appreciating our friends and how they are different. Some of the best experiences have been when I have had an open mind and just gone. And I've learn so much about the different aspects of this life.
Selflessness or lack of has a tremendous impact on a relationship. I want to spend my life with someone who understands selflessness. Because I would rather have someone care more about me than himself because I know that I would do the same. It is so important to have this characteristic, it allows humility and love to be in the relationship. I find that a person that understands selflessness in a relationship tends to find others that share this same trait. I don't understand how a person can believe that they will be able to find someone who is selfless and kindhearted if they themselves don't possess those traits. There are just some traits that need to be mirrored. It also goes the other way, those who are selfish and prideful will probably be in a relationship with someone who has similar traits. This can create interesting situations through out the relationship. Most times a feeling that they have to defend themselves comes through. I would never want to be in that type of situation where my significant other is not on my side. 
Balance in life gives the best kind of life. Having both selfishness and selflessness is how I wish to live my life, having the courage to do what needs to be done, to do what is best for me, and also being able to give my time, my kindness and one day my heart to someone else.
What is to be done? I find myself asking that question a lot lately. I feel like I have this curse on me. This is the curse where the person you want to ask you out doesn't, and not only that, hardly notices you. Meanwhile, the individuals you have no desire to ask you out are of course the ones that do. I ask myself how do I break this curse? Well I guess it takes proactiveness. It is so hard being a girl sometimes, guys just have to go in for "the kill" and ask out a girl. (Granted that is also hard) Girls on the other hand have to set the stage for that final act. Adjust the lightening, the right timing, and scenery to create that situation where a guy will feel like asking you out. Perhaps you wonder why don't I just ask a guy out. Well I have, many times. And have not been satisfied with the results. I find that my strong personality doesn't work well with guys that don't have enough fortitude to ask out a girl.
I am in an interesting situation right now. I am not the type of girl who falls for a guy quickly or easily. For most of my time I'm trekking this life alone, I've learned to live life without that companionship. So for me to actually fall for a guy is a big deal. And I have. But now I'm in this weird situation, I don't know what to do. I don’t know what to do and I can’t seem to remember how to flirt. Flirting with a guy that you know likes you is not a difficult task, but the other way around I'm not quite sure. Guys get spooked easily and it's almost as if you have to wade around in their environment until they become accustom to you being around. Basically like Jack Sparrow and sea turtles. You can slowly move closer without them bolting. The same can be said for girls. I have been in a relationship where everything was just moving too fast and I got spooked and I bolted.
It's been frustrating for me, I'm not my normal opinionated talkative person when I'm around him, I feel like he makes me nervous which is a foreign feeling. I guess at the end of the day it doesn't really matter, he is pretty much clueless and I want a guy that likes me for me. With his focus being elsewhere, doesn't know that I'm standing there in front of him. I’ve thought about that a lot, wondering if I have done that very thing. Been so focused on something else in my life that I didn't look up and see him standing there. And maybe he was an amazing guy, and I just didn't see it because I never looked at him. And then when I finally did look up he was gone. I guess only time will tell what is to be done.