You know those kids who chase animals around then they try to escape by hiding under the couch? Well I was that kid. My grandma had a little black dog and I would chase it around and it would hide from me. I had always wanted a dog, I remember begging my parents to get one. On my 12th birthday I got the best birthday present, my parents said that I could pick out a dog! I had already decided that I wanted a boxer dog. Off we went as a family to this small rural town. I remember pulling up to the house and it having a barn in the back. There was a litter of pups and my brother and sister and me played with all of them. At the end one dog picked us, he wanted to come. Chewy Bob Dogly was adopted into our family.
Oh the fun years that past. Chewy was such a good dog, patient enough to put up with the ridiculous things we made him do. Play Pretty Pretty Princess. (He was really good) Play dress up. Be the horse in the backyard. Smart dog too, we had to keep changing what we were saying because he would know. He learn "walk" fast, then he learn "w", used instead of walk. Finally, we came up with circular perambulation, since it was around the block. He didn't pick up on that one. He sure loved to run through the tall grass. By my house there was a field and the grass would just grow. We would go play hide and seek with the dog. Someone would cover his eyes and the others would hide. This is probably the scariest hide and go seek because there is a 100 pound dog run full speed at you trying to find you, and well he's not great at stopping. No point I suppose. My Dad taught my dog to "hunt" cats and squirrels and birds. Basically to keep them out of the yard. However, if he saw one, off he went after it, even if you were holding onto the lease. If you said cat and he was in the house, he would run to the back door and want to go out and patrol the backyard and confirm it's security. If the side gate would not get closed all the way Chewy would just walk out and sit in the front driveway until someone came home, and then would give you the look "Ya, you left the gate open stupid." My Dad, found it funny to send my dog up to get me up on Saturday morning, needless to say, I was so glad when we got hardwood floors and he could no longer come pounding up the stairs and dive into my body on my Saturday mornings. Chewy didn't ever learn fetch, if you threw the ball he would not bring it back, instead he would ran away from you and make you chase him.
Funny things my dog did: One day I baked a chocolate cake, and I put it on the table and I went up stairs to get my sister to frost it and I came back and there is my dog up on the chair and had eaten half the cake. He fit right in with our musical family. He would howl when we would play our flutes and try and lick them, silly dog. When my mom would play the piano he would just go lay under the piano bench. Chewy never liked sitting directly on the ground, not sure why. But, if your foot was around he would come sit on it.
Stuff I would get blamed for:
My Dad built this nice dog run on the side of the house, and we would put the dog in there...for whatever reason. Well, the dog would be out in the yard again, and my Dad would say Tina, you didn't close the gate! and I would say I did. Turns out that boxers are excellent chain link fence climbers. He would just climb over the fence, quite amazing to watch. Well we gave up on the dog run. Chewy also learned to turn the water on if he wanted more water, well he did bother to turn it off. So I would get blamed for leaving the water on, until my Mom heard this noise and looked and he was pawing the water faucet. Clever dog.
It is amazing how an animal came become a member of a family. He got Christmas presents and birthday presents and family pictures. He knew something was wrong even if no one else did. Many hours we spent walking my dog, talking with him, hanging out watching tv. I watched my dog grow older, become gray in the face. Chewy was born on July 12, 1997 and died January 19th, 2011. Chewy was 13 1/2 I wanted to calculate his age in human years. According to Pedigree.com Chewy was 96 at 13 (there are no 1/2 years so I was going to average the two) I put in 14 and Pedigree sent me back not a number, but a message that they were unable to process my request at this time. I started laughing...good ol' dog, you beat the dog calculator. We decided that he lived to be 100 years old. He lived a century, I'm glad he shared his life with our family, I hope he feels the same.
A friend asked me a simple question. "Did you get everything you wanted?" I responded, "Well that depends, the things that I truly desire in life don't come in boxes, but did I receive lovely consumer products? then, yes."
So..what do I really want for Christmas, I feel like I should have a song right here, kinda like in a movie.
My memory raced back to earlier this month when my friends and I wrote a letter to Santa at the mall. We sat down and eagerly grabbed our letter postcard and pencil. The others started writing immediately. I didn't know what I wanted to ask Santa. The others were mainly asking for a man. I ended up asking for a "time turner" like from harry potter, I feel like I never have enough time, I wish sometimes that sleeping wasn't required because I'd rather be learning or doing something. I do love sleeping, but I sometimes wish that sleep would be a recreational activity. There are just never enough hours in a day.
I look over and they are asking for a wonderful man to fall into their lives. I guess I wonder about asking for that type of thing. How well is Santa at matching making anyways? What happens if I don't like the guy he brought. What if I have a specific guy, and most importantly ... does he want to be my present? Maybe these worries are just things assumed, and he of course wants to be in a box with a bow. I guess my other issue is he didn't do anything, he just appeared. How is he going to appreciate what he has if he didn't work for it?
So do you want a man for Christmas? ...I suppose a guy is vital for the other things that are on my list. hehe. I think that I desire typical things in life. I want to fall in love, I want to start a family. I want to serve my husband and my family. I want a place to call my own, where I don't have to worry about putting holes in walls. And where I don't mind sharing a bathroom. I want to learn more. I want to learn another language, I want to learn to play the guitar. I want to travel with my best friend. But, I did receive many things that I wanted for Christmas. I got to go home and see my family and friends.
Whether you are a Jane Austen fan or not, that gal is funny. Her humor is settle, and quite hidden at times. Only those who are fully attentive receive the full benefits from the text. One notion that I completely agree with Jane Austen on is her thoughts on "quick love", the over-giving of affection and how flirting can make you look ridiculous. Her stories have both quick found love and the love that reveals itself later. However, the best relationships are the ones that have had time to grow and mature. I tend to gravitate towards the relationship that are more than just surface level. Relationships that run deep. "...and she will be the most determined flirt that ever made herself and her family ridiculous. A flirt, too, in the worst and meanest degree of flirtation; without any attraction beyond youth and a tolerable person; and from the ignorance and emptiness of her mind, wholly unable to ward off any portion of that universal contempt which her rage for admiration will excite. In this danger Kitty is also comprehended. She will follow wherever Lydia leads. -- Vain, ignorant, idle, and absolutely uncontrolled!" -Pride and Prejudice
Sometimes I feel like I would have to become a ridiculous flirt to receive any attention from a guy. I feel that in my personality I am friendly towards everyone, but I am not quick to be flirty or to just give my affections away to just anyone. The other day while in a conversation a boy commented that a flirts is a confident girl. Well...I don't know about that statement. I would argue that it goes both ways. I don't feel that I lack confidence, I don't feel that I am incapable of flirting. I just choose whom I wish to flirt with and also when I want to flirt. I have no desire to flirt with someone that I have no interest in, I feel it to be somewhat selfish. I tend to be very personal about my affections and that includes my flirting. I am different in various settings, ranging from large group settings, to smaller, to one on one, as are most people.
It is also very possible that girls that lack confidence use flirting as a way to reassure themselves and fulfill something. I see many girls who almost require some guys attention, almost like an energy source that keeps them going. Is this what Jane Austen refers to as the worst and meanest degree of flirtation? I suppose that it depends on ones views are on the purpose of flirting. One view could to just to satisfy personal satisfaction at the expense of another, than could be a signal used to show interest in another person in hopes of a deeper relationship. Maybe there is a middle ground that has a little bit of both. However, the second view satisfies the first one as well. I guess honestly the first view point angers me, I do feel like it is selfish and has no regard for others feelings. I want my flirting to mean something. I want it to be real. And I definitely want the other person to know that it is real.
Random List of some things I'm thankful for in my life. Just sat down a wrote some things.
- being with family
- families
- religion
- records/ history
- friends
- ability to run
- socks
- media art
- literature
- sporting events and the fans
- football season and march madness
- electricity
- baked goods
- gyms because of baked goods
- dancing
- tables
- hugs
- ability to perform daily functions independently
- different languages
- anime
- snowflakes
- waffles
- movie popcorn
- sand and ocean
- seasons
- fireworks
- cars and the beauty of mechanics
- disneyland
- puppies
- the Christmas story
- Christmas lights
- coloring books
- bon fires & s'mores
- fruit snacks
- libraries
- manual cars
- rain and how clean it smells after
- salt
- movie quotes
- warmth of the sun
- cartoon bandaid they just make you feel better
- cheesecake
- music and being able to hear it.
- RPG's
- educational system
- child's curiosity
- umbrellas
- time
- wonders of this planet
- puzzles
- celebrations and holidays
- technology
- blankets (i'm always cold)
- beauty of music
- photos
- flashlights
- keys and locks
- workings of physics
- clean water
- patience and trust
- inventions
- skype
- shooting stars
Life is full of discouragement...disappointment, sadness, hurt, sorrow. All of which, has the potential to take you down a dangerous and dark path. It depends on if you're going to let it break you or let it make you stronger. Many times we feel like Alice, lost in Wonderland. Our path is now gone, the path that we wanted to take, either to a certain job, or college, or relationship. We are disappointed that we didn't get that job, or didn't make into a school program. Although, "it doesn't matter what path you take if you don't know where you are going." Be careful of the dangerous of disappointment and it's effects on the human thinking process, resulting in poor choices and can lead to dark and depressing paths. I love the Count of Monte Cristo, he explains that life is a storm and one can choose to stand up against the storm. Or lie down and let it consume you into the waters of the deep.
"Life is a storm, my young friend. You will bask in the sunlight one moment, be shattered on the rocks the next. What makes you a man is what you do when that storm comes. You must look into that storm and shout as you did in Rome. Do your worst, for I will do mine! Then the fates will know you as we know you: as Albert Mondego, the man!"
It's rough in a world that places a person's value on their career, it's especially rough when you're shocked to find you are suddenly jobless. I suppose that my story is typical, company is bought out, new company changes everything, new company lays off individuals. It was quite a surreal experience to say the least. An experience that is very unnerving, it threatens your way of life, and you take a critical hit to you self-esteem. But in time the dust seems to settle and you can see the path. And an amazing thing happens, you end up in a place where you never thought you would be. In retrospect, I am truly grateful. I am grateful to be in school, grateful for programs that will enhances my skill set, grateful for amazing individuals I have meet along the way. Grateful for financial aid and a job at the library. And most grateful that I have been taught not to place my value in something that can be taken away. My value is not in my job or my car or some object. Through this experience I was taken on a journey to remember who I am, and what I believe. Where my worth and value truly lie, and it's not in status, money, beauty, possession...But purely who I am, what I believe and my character.
It is also tough when you have a friend that has experienced a lot of disappointment. Your heart goes out to them, sometimes the words of comfort don't come. Sometimes they don't want to hear what you have to say. My heart goes out of to one of my dear friends, who has experience so much discouragement over the summer and has let it bring him down. He is settling in life, settling in a job, in a girl. I think as an attempt to feel happier. And you try and tell them, try and help, but you end up being the crazy one, that "doesn't understand the situation", you are the one accused of saying hurtful things. This is the price paid. A friendship sacrificed in an attempt to save someone you care about from greater hurt and pain. Let me tell you, it's hard. But, I would hope that someone would be that brave and willing to say what I needed to hear with the risk that I would not be their friend anymore. And yet, your heart still hurts, you have lost a best friend, someone who valued and trusted your opinion. A person that could tell you what's up even if sucked to hear it. The person that kept our level and down to earth. "A friend can tell you things you don't want to tell yourself."-Frances Ward Weller
Treasure those friends, they are hard to come by.
"It’s an insane world but in it there is one sanity, the loyalty of old friends."
-Ben-Hur
"Only a true friend would be that truly honest." -Sherk
Balance
Happily Ever After...it is what most little girls dream about. We pretend with our Barbie's to be rescued, we dress up like princesses who need to be saved. Disney is often blamed for these little thoughts of dreams come true, of princes on white horses that ride to your rescue, slay your captor, whether the mistress of all evil or some evil beast and than off into the sunset you ride together.
Over the years I've seen girls act in ways very similar to this, I've heard countless ridiculous conversations about love and the notion that love and marriage will be all love and hearts and unicorns and fairies and magic. I feel bad for those girls because anything as precious as marriage is not kept without a strong desire to keep it. Happily Ever Afters takes work everyday.
I however, feel like I have a completely different problem. I call it the "Belle Curse." The Belle Curse can be described as the girl in the story that is strong and helps the male character discover his true strength, to be a man and rise to his full potential. And through their experiences together they fall in love and she's the only girl for him. 
In the story of Beauty and the Beast, Belle has a strong character and is able to see past the beast's pride, anger and hideous features to the man that he could become. She not only saw that he could be kind and selfless but fell in love with him. The Beast was always fearful of rejection, a life of loneliness, believed that he was destined to fail and never find love. But one girl came along and changed everything. She changed him, and his love for her was so great he was willing to be lonely forever to make her happy. And the message conveyed through this is that Belle became the only girl for the Beast, that through all of the struggles a love was formed, something that has perhaps been called true love. I think that many girls find comfort in this type of situation, as girls we are plagued by the thought of divorce, adultery and of just a guy that doesn't seem to care. (I actually think that last one is terrible, what a torturous thing to do to someone) But feeling like the only one brings that comfort that those things wouldn't happen.
As for me, I don't relate to being a princess I don't feel like I need to be saved, I have the idea that I can save myself, maybe I'm just not a patient person and don't want to wait for anyone to rescue me, and who says I need to be rescued anyways. I have this Belle Curse where I am attracted to guys that can't see their full potential, but I can. I have that desire to help them get there, to be brave. And in return I am the one and only girl that won that guy's heart. And like I said before it in a way gives that security that I am the only one ever, that I am special in some way.
I find myself leaning towards strong female characters. One of my favorite characters is Meg from Hercules. She's a confident girl with just the right amount of sass. I find that many girls probably relate to her because many have given their all in a relationship and it was not appreciate and it left us hurt, never forgetting the agonizing pain of betrayal. Secretly we desire to love again, but we proceed with much caution, very different from the person we were before. We hope to find that guy that would never hurt us. 
I also have a deep love for anime and Hayao Miyazaki's films. He tells stories of beautiful strong girls who find that inner strength when all hope is lost. There is so much courage seen in these characters. Many of these girls have seen much of destruction, their lives are not without disappoint, hardship or grief. Their lives have a way of touching us realistically, but bring us into a world of fantasy. Thank you anime for bringing us bad-a girls! I am going to be Katara for halloween!! water bender :)
So I was turned into a strong female character instead of a princess because of Disney, isn't that ironic. So thanks Disney for ruining me in a different sort of way and now I have to figure out how to not seek out boys like that.
The unknown, the wilderness, the dark. 
In our lives we face all different types of wildernesses. And it scares us. We face little wildernesses all the time. There is a lot in our day that is left to the unknown, many things that could potentially happen, yet every day we move forward. But what causes us to dread these unknowns in our life, why do they cause fear?
And why despite the fact that the wilderness maybe by the way to the best experiences do we remain content and satisfied without taking a single step in that direction? And by making the choice to be content are we cheating ourselves ? Have we become comfortably numb?
Are we missing out on the best experiences of our life because we are afraid of failing, afraid of getting hurt, of having a humbling experience, afraid they we may not be the best.
I was reading an article about firsts, and how your first kiss, your first close experience with death, first experience with heartbreak, first experience with success all of these have a profound impact on your memory. To the point where these are some of the points that you will forever remember. Everyone remembers their first kiss, but who remembers their 100th kiss? And maybe there is a connection their between firsts and risks. I'm sure there are plenty of guys and gals who were terrified the first time they kissed someone. And yet, they took that risk and conquered the "kiss" 
One of the experiences that I remember is when I first started at Brigham Young University. I was moving to a city I had never been to before, moving in with people I'd never met to before. It was scary. But, I knew that attending BYU would be worth that risk. The first week was pretty rough. I remember that my class schedule just had acronyms for the names of the buildings, I had no idea where to go. I didn't know how to get around town, I had no idea where the grocery store was, I wasn't a fan of the non-protected green lights. (I liked having a turn arrow and no yielding.) But, I took control. I learned all the buildings names/acronyms, I Google mapped Provo and saw how best to navigate the city, I began to meet new people, develop friendships and the feelings of anxiety dissipated.
I think that sometimes in life, you can never fully prepare. Sometimes you have to just jump and paddle as hard as you can to float. Somethings you just don't know what to expect until you are in the thick of it. The business world, college, marriage, dating, buy a house, raising kids....
Have you ever noticed that if you driving down the road and there is a car on a cross street wanting to cross over and continue in the opposite direction that they will make a more risky move if there is a line of cars behind you verses just you (one car to wait for). Why is it that a car is willing to take a risk such as that, because they don't want to wait for the long line of cars to pass by? So can we make the assumption that people will make a riskier move if they feel their time is running short or their options are dwindling.
Why do we wait til our options are dwindling to take that risk, to make a move? Perhaps by then the best options are gone. I think we forget to look at situations in our lives as if they won't be there forever, because in reality, they probably won't be. Don't wait around. That job offers end, promotions can pass you by, college applications have deadlines, even relationships without the risk of commitment won't last (Beth and Ben from He's Just Not That Into You) people move on if you won't jump on ride with them. The people in life that get what they want, are the ones taking the risks.
I think that taking risks requires courage, faith, a sense of self worth and humility. It takes courage to face the scary wilderness, and faith that things will work out in the end. Self worth in that if things don't work out as hoped, and the word failure comes to mind, you can separate yourself from being a failure and failing at this one situation. And finally humility, being able to laugh at failing, and to remain level if great success becomes an outcome.
Some of the greatest leaders, talented artists and brilliant minds were told they weren't good enough. If they chose to listen, they wouldn't have left their mark in history.
Life = Risk 