"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us"

Good Ol' Chewy you beat out the dog calculator

2011-02-22T22:45:00.000-07:00

You know those kids who chase animals around then they try to escape by hiding under the couch? Well I was that kid. My grandma had a little black dog and I would chase it around and it would hide from me. I had always wanted a dog, I remember begging my parents to get one. On my 12th birthday I got the best birthday present, my parents said that I could pick out a dog! I had already decided that I wanted a boxer dog. Off we went as a family to this small rural town. I remember pulling up to the house and it having a barn in the back. There was a litter of pups and my brother and sister and me played with all of them. At the end one dog picked us, he wanted to come. Chewy Bob Dogly was adopted into our family.

Oh the fun years that past. Chewy was such a good dog, patient enough to put up with the ridiculous things we made him do. Play Pretty Pretty Princess. (He was really good) Play dress up. Be the horse in the backyard. Smart dog too, we had to keep changing what we were saying because he would know. He learn "walk" fast, then he learn "w", used instead of walk. Finally, we came up with circular perambulation, since it was around the block. He didn't pick up on that one. He sure loved to run through the tall grass. By my house there was a field and the grass would just grow. We would go play hide and seek with the dog. Someone would cover his eyes and the others would hide. This is probably the scariest hide and go seek because there is a 100 pound dog run full speed at you trying to find you, and well he's not great at stopping. No point I suppose. My Dad taught my dog to "hunt" cats and squirrels and birds. Basically to keep them out of the yard. However, if he saw one, off he went after it, even if you were holding onto the lease. If you said cat and he was in the house, he would run to the back door and want to go out and patrol the backyard and confirm it's security. If the side gate would not get closed all the way Chewy would just walk out and sit in the front driveway until someone came home, and then would give you the look "Ya, you left the gate open stupid." My Dad, found it funny to send my dog up to get me up on Saturday morning, needless to say, I was so glad when we got hardwood floors and he could no longer come pounding up the stairs and dive into my body on my Saturday mornings. Chewy didn't ever learn fetch, if you threw the ball he would not bring it back, instead he would ran away from you and make you chase him.

Funny things my dog did: One day I baked a chocolate cake, and I put it on the table and I went up stairs to get my sister to frost it and I came back and there is my dog up on the chair and had eaten half the cake. He fit right in with our musical family. He would howl when we would play our flutes and try and lick them, silly dog. When my mom would play the piano he would just go lay under the piano bench. Chewy never liked sitting directly on the ground, not sure why. But, if your foot was around he would come sit on it.

Stuff I would get blamed for:
My Dad built this nice dog run on the side of the house, and we would put the dog in there...for whatever reason. Well, the dog would be out in the yard again, and my Dad would say Tina, you didn't close the gate! and I would say I did. Turns out that boxers are excellent chain link fence climbers. He would just climb over the fence, quite amazing to watch. Well we gave up on the dog run. Chewy also learned to turn the water on if he wanted more water, well he did bother to turn it off. So I would get blamed for leaving the water on, until my Mom heard this noise and looked and he was pawing the water faucet. Clever dog.

It is amazing how an animal came become a member of a family. He got Christmas presents and birthday presents and family pictures. He knew something was wrong even if no one else did. Many hours we spent walking my dog, talking with him, hanging out watching tv. I watched my dog grow older, become gray in the face. Chewy was born on July 12, 1997 and died January 19th, 2011. Chewy was 13 1/2 I wanted to calculate his age in human years. According to Pedigree.com Chewy was 96 at 13 (there are no 1/2 years so I was going to average the two) I put in 14 and Pedigree sent me back not a number, but a message that they were unable to process my request at this time. I started laughing...good ol' dog, you beat the dog calculator. We decided that he lived to be 100 years old. He lived a century, I'm glad he shared his life with our family, I hope he feels the same.

All I Want for Christmas is....

2010-12-27T01:05:00.002-07:00

A friend asked me a simple question. "Did you get everything you wanted?" I responded, "Well that depends, the things that I truly desire in life don't come in boxes, but did I receive lovely consumer products? then, yes."

So..what do I really want for Christmas, I feel like I should have a song right here, kinda like in a movie.

My memory raced back to earlier this month when my friends and I wrote a letter to Santa at the mall. We sat down and eagerly grabbed our letter postcard and pencil. The others started writing immediately. I didn't know what I wanted to ask Santa. The others were mainly asking for a man. I ended up asking for a "time turner" like from harry potter, I feel like I never have enough time, I wish sometimes that sleeping wasn't required because I'd rather be learning or doing something. I do love sleeping, but I sometimes wish that sleep would be a recreational activity. There are just never enough hours in a day.

I look over and they are asking for a wonderful man to fall into their lives. I guess I wonder about asking for that type of thing. How well is Santa at matching making anyways? What happens if I don't like the guy he brought. What if I have a specific guy, and most importantly ... does he want to be my present? Maybe these worries are just things assumed, and he of course wants to be in a box with a bow. I guess my other issue is he didn't do anything, he just appeared. How is he going to appreciate what he has if he didn't work for it?

So do you want a man for Christmas? ...I suppose a guy is vital for the other things that are on my list. hehe. I think that I desire typical things in life. I want to fall in love, I want to start a family. I want to serve my husband and my family. I want a place to call my own, where I don't have to worry about putting holes in walls. And where I don't mind sharing a bathroom. I want to learn more. I want to learn another language, I want to learn to play the guitar. I want to travel with my best friend. But, I did receive many things that I wanted for Christmas. I got to go home and see my family and friends.

"In the worst and meanest degree of flirtation"

2010-12-03T22:53:00.001-07:00

Whether you are a Jane Austen fan or not, that gal is funny. Her humor is settle, and quite hidden at times. Only those who are fully attentive receive the full benefits from the text. One notion that I completely agree with Jane Austen on is her thoughts on "quick love", the over-giving of affection and how flirting can make you look ridiculous. Her stories have both quick found love and the love that reveals itself later. However, the best relationships are the ones that have had time to grow and mature. I tend to gravitate towards the relationship that are more than just surface level. Relationships that run deep. "...and she will be the most determined flirt that ever made herself and her family ridiculous. A flirt, too, in the worst and meanest degree of flirtation; without any attraction beyond youth and a tolerable person; and from the ignorance and emptiness of her mind, wholly unable to ward off any portion of that universal contempt which her rage for admiration will excite. In this danger Kitty is also comprehended. She will follow wherever Lydia leads. -- Vain, ignorant, idle, and absolutely uncontrolled!" -Pride and Prejudice

Sometimes I feel like I would have to become a ridiculous flirt to receive any attention from a guy. I feel that in my personality I am friendly towards everyone, but I am not quick to be flirty or to just give my affections away to just anyone. The other day while in a conversation a boy commented that a flirts is a confident girl. Well...I don't know about that statement. I would argue that it goes both ways. I don't feel that I lack confidence, I don't feel that I am incapable of flirting. I just choose whom I wish to flirt with and also when I want to flirt. I have no desire to flirt with someone that I have no interest in, I feel it to be somewhat selfish. I tend to be very personal about my affections and that includes my flirting. I am different in various settings, ranging from large group settings, to smaller, to one on one, as are most people.

It is also very possible that girls that lack confidence use flirting as a way to reassure themselves and fulfill something. I see many girls who almost require some guys attention, almost like an energy source that keeps them going. Is this what Jane Austen refers to as the worst and meanest degree of flirtation? I suppose that it depends on ones views are on the purpose of flirting. One view could to just to satisfy personal satisfaction at the expense of another, than could be a signal used to show interest in another person in hopes of a deeper relationship. Maybe there is a middle ground that has a little bit of both. However, the second view satisfies the first one as well. I guess honestly the first view point angers me, I do feel like it is selfish and has no regard for others feelings. I want my flirting to mean something. I want it to be real. And I definitely want the other person to know that it is real.

Thanksgiving

2010-11-28T12:43:00.000-07:00

Random List of some things I'm thankful for in my life. Just sat down a wrote some things.

- being with family
- families
- religion
- records/ history
- friends
- ability to run
- socks
- media art
- literature
- sporting events and the fans
- football season and march madness
- electricity
- baked goods
- gyms because of baked goods
- dancing
- tables
- hugs
- ability to perform daily functions independently
- different languages
- anime
- snowflakes
- waffles
- movie popcorn
- sand and ocean
- seasons
- fireworks
- cars and the beauty of mechanics
- disneyland
- puppies
- the Christmas story
- Christmas lights
- coloring books
- bon fires & s'mores
- fruit snacks
- libraries
- manual cars
- rain and how clean it smells after
- salt
- movie quotes
- warmth of the sun
- cartoon bandaid they just make you feel better
- cheesecake
- music and being able to hear it.
- RPG's
- educational system
- child's curiosity
- umbrellas
- time
- wonders of this planet
- puzzles
- celebrations and holidays
- technology
- blankets (i'm always cold)
- beauty of music
- photos
- flashlights
- keys and locks
- workings of physics
- clean water
- patience and trust
- inventions
- skype
- shooting stars

Dangers of Discouragement, the Wonders of Friendship

2010-11-28T11:11:00.019-07:00

Life is full of discouragement...disappointment, sadness, hurt, sorrow. All of which, has the potential to take you down a dangerous and dark path. It depends on if you're going to let it break you or let it make you stronger. Many times we feel like Alice, lost in Wonderland. Our path is now gone, the path that we wanted to take, either to a certain job, or college, or relationship. We are disappointed that we didn't get that job, or didn't make into a school program. Although, "it doesn't matter what path you take if you don't know where you are going." Be careful of the dangerous of disappointment and it's effects on the human thinking process, resulting in poor choices and can lead to dark and depressing paths. I love the Count of Monte Cristo, he explains that life is a storm and one can choose to stand up against the storm. Or lie down and let it consume you into the waters of the deep.

"Life is a storm, my young friend. You will bask in the sunlight one moment, be shattered on the rocks the next. What makes you a man is what you do when that storm comes. You must look into that storm and shout as you did in Rome. Do your worst, for I will do mine! Then the fates will know you as we know you: as Albert Mondego, the man!"

It's rough in a world that places a person's value on their career, it's especially rough when you're shocked to find you are suddenly jobless. I suppose that my story is typical, company is bought out, new company changes everything, new company lays off individuals. It was quite a surreal experience to say the least. An experience that is very unnerving, it threatens your way of life, and you take a critical hit to you self-esteem. But in time the dust seems to settle and you can see the path. And an amazing thing happens, you end up in a place where you never thought you would be. In retrospect, I am truly grateful. I am grateful to be in school, grateful for programs that will enhances my skill set, grateful for amazing individuals I have meet along the way. Grateful for financial aid and a job at the library. And most grateful that I have been taught not to place my value in something that can be taken away. My value is not in my job or my car or some object. Through this experience I was taken on a journey to remember who I am, and what I believe. Where my worth and value truly lie, and it's not in status, money, beauty, possession...But purely who I am, what I believe and my character.

It is also tough when you have a friend that has experienced a lot of disappointment. Your heart goes out to them, sometimes the words of comfort don't come. Sometimes they don't want to hear what you have to say. My heart goes out of to one of my dear friends, who has experience so much discouragement over the summer and has let it bring him down. He is settling in life, settling in a job, in a girl. I think as an attempt to feel happier. And you try and tell them, try and help, but you end up being the crazy one, that "doesn't understand the situation", you are the one accused of saying hurtful things. This is the price paid. A friendship sacrificed in an attempt to save someone you care about from greater hurt and pain. Let me tell you, it's hard. But, I would hope that someone would be that brave and willing to say what I needed to hear with the risk that I would not be their friend anymore. And yet, your heart still hurts, you have lost a best friend, someone who valued and trusted your opinion. A person that could tell you what's up even if sucked to hear it. The person that kept our level and down to earth. "A friend can tell you things you don't want to tell yourself."-Frances Ward Weller

Treasure those friends, they are hard to come by.

"It’s an insane world but in it there is one sanity, the loyalty of old friends."
-Ben-Hur

"Only a true friend would be that truly honest." -Sherk

The Belle Curse

2010-07-24T21:33:00.013-06:00

Balance

Happily Ever After...it is what most little girls dream about. We pretend with our Barbie's to be rescued, we dress up like princesses who need to be saved. Disney is often blamed for these little thoughts of dreams come true, of princes on white horses that ride to your rescue, slay your captor, whether the mistress of all evil or some evil beast and than off into the sunset you ride together.

Over the years I've seen girls act in ways very similar to this, I've heard countless ridiculous conversations about love and the notion that love and marriage will be all love and hearts and unicorns and fairies and magic. I feel bad for those girls because anything as precious as marriage is not kept without a strong desire to keep it. Happily Ever Afters takes work everyday.

I however, feel like I have a completely different problem. I call it the "Belle Curse." The Belle Curse can be described as the girl in the story that is strong and helps the male character discover his true strength, to be a man and rise to his full potential. And through their experiences together they fall in love and she's the only girl for him.

In the story of Beauty and the Beast, Belle has a strong character and is able to see past the beast's pride, anger and hideous features to the man that he could become. She not only saw that he could be kind and selfless but fell in love with him. The Beast was always fearful of rejection, a life of loneliness, believed that he was destined to fail and never find love. But one girl came along and changed everything. She changed him, and his love for her was so great he was willing to be lonely forever to make her happy. And the message conveyed through this is that Belle became the only girl for the Beast, that through all of the struggles a love was formed, something that has perhaps been called true love. I think that many girls find comfort in this type of situation, as girls we are plagued by the thought of divorce, adultery and of just a guy that doesn't seem to care. (I actually think that last one is terrible, what a torturous thing to do to someone) But feeling like the only one brings that comfort that those things wouldn't happen.

As for me, I don't relate to being a princess I don't feel like I need to be saved, I have the idea that I can save myself, maybe I'm just not a patient person and don't want to wait for anyone to rescue me, and who says I need to be rescued anyways. I have this Belle Curse where I am attracted to guys that can't see their full potential, but I can. I have that desire to help them get there, to be brave. And in return I am the one and only girl that won that guy's heart. And like I said before it in a way gives that security that I am the only one ever, that I am special in some way.

I find myself leaning towards strong female characters. One of my favorite characters is Meg from Hercules. She's a confident girl with just the right amount of sass. I find that many girls probably relate to her because many have given their all in a relationship and it was not appreciate and it left us hurt, never forgetting the agonizing pain of betrayal. Secretly we desire to love again, but we proceed with much caution, very different from the person we were before. We hope to find that guy that would never hurt us.

I also have a deep love for anime and Hayao Miyazaki's films. He tells stories of beautiful strong girls who find that inner strength when all hope is lost. There is so much courage seen in these characters. Many of these girls have seen much of destruction, their lives are not without disappoint, hardship or grief. Their lives have a way of touching us realistically, but bring us into a world of fantasy. Thank you anime for bringing us bad-a girls! I am going to be Katara for halloween!! water bender :)

So I was turned into a strong female character instead of a princess because of Disney, isn't that ironic. So thanks Disney for ruining me in a different sort of way and now I have to figure out how to not seek out boys like that.

The Wilderness

2009-12-13T00:32:00.026-07:00

The unknown, the wilderness, the dark.

In our lives we face all different types of wildernesses. And it scares us. We face little wildernesses all the time. There is a lot in our day that is left to the unknown, many things that could potentially happen, yet every day we move forward. But what causes us to dread these unknowns in our life, why do they cause fear?

And why despite the fact that the wilderness maybe by the way to the best experiences do we remain content and satisfied without taking a single step in that direction? And by making the choice to be content are we cheating ourselves ? Have we become comfortably numb?

Are we missing out on the best experiences of our life because we are afraid of failing, afraid of getting hurt, of having a humbling experience, afraid they we may not be the best.

I was reading an article about firsts, and how your first kiss, your first close experience with death, first experience with heartbreak, first experience with success all of these have a profound impact on your memory. To the point where these are some of the points that you will forever remember. Everyone remembers their first kiss, but who remembers their 100th kiss? And maybe there is a connection their between firsts and risks. I'm sure there are plenty of guys and gals who were terrified the first time they kissed someone. And yet, they took that risk and conquered the "kiss"

One of the experiences that I remember is when I first started at Brigham Young University. I was moving to a city I had never been to before, moving in with people I'd never met to before. It was scary. But, I knew that attending BYU would be worth that risk. The first week was pretty rough. I remember that my class schedule just had acronyms for the names of the buildings, I had no idea where to go. I didn't know how to get around town, I had no idea where the grocery store was, I wasn't a fan of the non-protected green lights. (I liked having a turn arrow and no yielding.) But, I took control. I learned all the buildings names/acronyms, I Google mapped Provo and saw how best to navigate the city, I began to meet new people, develop friendships and the feelings of anxiety dissipated.

I think that sometimes in life, you can never fully prepare. Sometimes you have to just jump and paddle as hard as you can to float. Somethings you just don't know what to expect until you are in the thick of it. The business world, college, marriage, dating, buy a house, raising kids....

Have you ever noticed that if you driving down the road and there is a car on a cross street wanting to cross over and continue in the opposite direction that they will make a more risky move if there is a line of cars behind you verses just you (one car to wait for). Why is it that a car is willing to take a risk such as that, because they don't want to wait for the long line of cars to pass by? So can we make the assumption that people will make a riskier move if they feel their time is running short or their options are dwindling.

Why do we wait til our options are dwindling to take that risk, to make a move? Perhaps by then the best options are gone. I think we forget to look at situations in our lives as if they won't be there forever, because in reality, they probably won't be. Don't wait around. That job offers end, promotions can pass you by, college applications have deadlines, even relationships without the risk of commitment won't last (Beth and Ben from He's Just Not That Into You) people move on if you won't jump on ride with them. The people in life that get what they want, are the ones taking the risks.

I think that taking risks requires courage, faith, a sense of self worth and humility. It takes courage to face the scary wilderness, and faith that things will work out in the end. Self worth in that if things don't work out as hoped, and the word failure comes to mind, you can separate yourself from being a failure and failing at this one situation. And finally humility, being able to laugh at failing, and to remain level if great success becomes an outcome.

Some of the greatest leaders, talented artists and brilliant minds were told they weren't good enough. If they chose to listen, they wouldn't have left their mark in history.

Life = Risk

Dimensions of Love

2009-09-26T00:28:00.031-06:00

"La vita e bella; la vita e amore. -- Life is beautiful; life is love."
from the movie "Life Is Beautiful"

Love is basically indescribable but, there have been many attempts to try and describe love. Love is patient, love is kind. Love is caring. Love is when a sacrifice doesn't feel like one. Love is compassionate and understanding. When you can't stop smiling. When you don't want to go to sleep because how could your dreams be better. When you heart beats fast. Makes you want to be a better person. Intense devotion. Love is passion. Love is wanting nothing more than to make the other person truly happy. You would rather spend time missing them then being with someone else. Trusting another person completely. Love is described as friendship on fire. Love is risk. When you accept someone completely. Love has depth, it's not a flat concept. There are many dimensions. I have created three dimensions.

1. Physical/Sensual
People can't help it, we like to be touched, it feels good to be next to the person you are attracted to. The physical part of love is probably the one that is the most fun. Gives you those butterflies and gitty sensation every time you see them, wanting to be next to them. You make excuses to see them and be around them. It can also be a real deal breaker in a relationship, if there isn't that physical attraction then it just doesn't work. It's kind of like a car, a beautiful sports car with a great engine and has all the equipment needed for a great car but, it's not your type of car, then there's not petrol in the tank and that car can't go anywhere. And the ride isn't very enjoyable.

Although this part of the relationship is important it shouldn't be the foundation of the relationship. Relationships that are primarily centered on this have the tendency to last short amounts of time. Physical attraction can only last so long. Physical gets the first tank of gas going but in order to make it to the next station other parts of love are needed. Without it it's going to be a short trip and you'll both be stranded in the desert. Don't just base your relationship on this, all the dimensions are needed.

2.Mental
Trust. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. How can you love someone if you can't trust them. Part of love is having that deep connection. That ability to feel comfortable to tell the other anything. That despite your faults they still want to be with you. Love is compassionate and understanding.

Yes, I think that you do run the risk of being hurt, but that comes along with the territory of being in love. You are taking that risk that you could be hurt. They could betray your trust, but they could also never betray your trust. Think of Aladdin when he asks Princess Jasmine, "Do you trust me?" You don't know what the future holds, trusting is all you can do. Sometimes life can take you to unexpected but wonderful places.

"The hardest thing is loving someone and having the courage to let them love you back."

Respect. This isn't one that people think of when they think of love. But when you love someone you respect them. You aren't always going to agree with the person you love. There will be things that will result in disagreements.

Respect is especially important for women to understand. While women need love, men need respect. This is a hard concept to grasp and can sometimes be difficult to show. I think that it involves assessing the situation and then acting. Understanding that there are two different people involved and won't have the same views on everything. But being able to understand where they are coming from and speaking without harsh words or in an condescending tone. Here's an example: My Uncle loves to go hunting and for a long time my Aunt had a hard time understanding his point because it costs more to hunt for your own food. (My uncle's brother has a meat shop.) And yet she respected him and that it was something that he enjoyed. Later she just had to have the mentality that it was for entertainment purposes not for saving money.

Men and women are different, for good reason. To understand the other gender requires patience, a desire to understand and accepting that it may be something that they enjoy or feel strongly about. Sometimes you can't agree and you have to just shrug your shoulders and realize that you love them more than this silly agreement.

3. Emotional: The part of love that comes from your heart.
Caring is the type of love that girls love. We just eat it up. This type of love requires an attentiveness. Paying attention when they say they like something (or don't like something.) When they say their favorite cheesecake is pumpkin cheesecake and you surprise them with some pumpkin cheesecake. Caring about how they feel, whether they are having a bad day or are stressed out and thinking about how you can help them feel better.

This type of love is amazing because it is just the little things, things for no reason except to show them how you feel. I actually really enjoy expressing how I feel in this manner. I enjoy showing them I have paid attention and that I took the time an effort to do something for no reason, just because. And to use my creativity to do it. One of the best gifts I ever received from a boy was a song. He wrote the lyrics, composed the music, sang the song and played all the instruments. (All were recorded separately and then layered.) Much time and effort was put into this to express to me how he felt.

Unconditional: I think that this the purest form of love. It transcends all, from race and gender, to class and religion, to physical appearance and occupation. Giving of your love and not asking for anything in return. Accepting a person for exactly who they are with their faults and loving them in spite of them. This type of love is also not determined by the recipient having mutual feelings. There once was a Uncle named Iroh and he had a nephew that was trying gain back the honor that he had lost from his Father. Iroh's nephew was struggling to find himself. And through his journey he said many cruel things to his uncle. Yet, his uncle just showed him kindness and understanding. In the end he left his Uncle, he thought that he found his way. But he soon learned that he hadn't. When he finally found his way back to his uncle, his uncle welcomed him back Despite everything that his Uncle had endured he still loved his nephew and just desired that he would find his way.

Selflessness
This is a wonderful type of love. Just think about it, how amazing is it to have someone put you before themselves. In Beauty and the Beast, there is a scene where the Beast shows Belle the magic mirror and says that she can see anything she wants. She wishes to see her Father and sees that she is in danger. The Beast looks at the wilting, his time to turn back into a human again was running out. But, he surprises Belle and tells her to leave. He gave up what he thought was his only chance to be human again. And when asked why he let her go he said, "because I love her"

Friendship/Platonic
A totally different type of love. This one involves mostly caring and selflessness. The notion that you would do anything for your family. Or anything for those close friends. This is the comfort food of love. When life seems tough and you need someone, friends and family are your comfort food.

Love is amazing, there really is no other feeling that can duplicate it.

Love can be simple. I think that being in love is when your heart and your mind are in agreement.

Mothers

2009-04-17T13:03:00.008-06:00

I've been thinking about my Mom a lot lately. And I was thinking about all the things that I have learned from her. All of which have influenced my life and what kind of mother I want to be.

One thing that I found to be amazing about my Mother was her patience. Whenever we did something wrong or when we messed up she would basically say "Ok, how can we fix this?" It's been a great lesson for me, sometimes the last thing that someone needs to hear when they made a mistake is that very thing. My Mother has amazing patience and understanding. An understanding that everyone learns, that sometimes you just need to talk.

Personal sacrifice. When you have children the concept of "it's no longer about you", is taken to a whole new level. I have seen the personal sacrifice of my Mother, helping with homework into the late hours of the night. Or giving of her time to take us here and there to better ourselves, to gain talents and pursue interests. I have a brother with a slight learning disability, but it's enough that it requires quite a bit of time and energy. I have always been amazed at how much my Mother gives to make his life less difficult.

Hugs. My Mom and I are quite close and there have been times where I've been hurt and don't want to talk about it but, I do want a hug.

Family time is important. I grew up in a family where we had dinner together every night. I think that there were times when I didn't want to have to leave my friends to go home for dinner. But, I look back in retrospect and think what would our family be like if we did not have dinner together every night. Thank goodness for home cooked meals.

An understanding that I need space. My Mom is very funny, not your typical Mom. She understands that I shouldn't be calling her everyday. That I need space to grow up, to develop relationships. And most important, I have learned from her that I will need to confide in my husband instead her, when that time comes.

All the medical remedies and diagnoses for sickness. I have been told time and time again that I am very motherly. I always have had roommates or friends that have come to me and said "Tina my head hurts." and sometimes it's "Tina, that boy broke my heart." I've learn how to comfort for physical hurt as well as emotional.

Education is required. I grew up in a house where education was always required. With parents that both have a Master's degree, just comes with the territory. I remember when I went to BYU my Mother told me, "Whatever you do, don't drop out of school if you get married." Well I guess her worries of that were in vain because that never happened. But, I am glad that education was pushed in my family.

Independence, is another characteristic. My mom is fiercely independent. Drives my Dad crazy sometimes. I have learned to push forward with life, no matter what comes. To be self-reliant, and to get things done. Which is probably why I'm usually not satisfied if someone else does it for me.

Little things: Dishsoap and dishwasher soap are not the same, musical appreciation, when you get a bad feeling about a situation trust yourself. Hugs are a remedy for a wide range of things. How to drive a manual car.

I am so grateful for my Mother, someone who has amazing values, understands love and sacrifice. She has pushed me and helped me become the person I am today. Has always given me the benefit of the doubt, and has always been patient with me when I did not deserve it. Just finds the right things to say. Has been there through it all.
Thank you Mom, I love you.

Selfishness & Selflessness

2009-03-11T11:57:00.021-06:00

Selfishness is one of those strange concepts. It is always taught that selfishness is not a desirable trait. However, I believe that there are two types of selfishness. And we only talk about one. This other selfishness is the ability to allow time for yourself and your needs. Being able to do what will make you happy despite others feelings. This is a hard lesson to learn, and a hard characteristic to balance. I think that I learned this concept the hard way. I've always been a person that likes to give and desires to make others happy. At one point I was in a situation where I had a best friend, and I loved and cared about him. But I became so focused on his wants and desires that I didn't look at what I wanted and I became unhappy. I took me a while to figure out that what I wanted and what he wanted were not in alignment. Despite my love for him, a relationship with him never felt right to me. In the end, I made a hard and selfish decision. Selfish in that I choose to make myself happy and had to put aside how he would feel. A rather difficult time, I choose to leave my best friend and it still has an aching feeling, but I did what I needed to do.

And unlike selfishness, selflessness is always praised. I believe that this is the key to friendship and love. It is the ability to give up your desires for someone else. Having an understanding that it isn’t always about you and also that it doesn’t have to be allows you to give of yourself. Last week in a discussion it was said that you shouldn't have to pretend to like something just because someone else does. Well, yes, of course you shouldn't pretend that you do. I think that the idea is that you go or participate because it is enjoyable to your friend. The idea being, it's not what you're doing but who you're with. I am not a huge fan of Sci-Fi things, I'm much more a fantasy person :). But I have a friend who loves Star Trek and I had never seen an episode. He wanted to share something that was enjoyable and important to him with me. And so we watched an episode, now I didn't turn into a Trekkie, but I enjoyed the time spent and the experience gained. It's not always about you or me, it's about appreciating our friends and how they are different. Some of the best experiences have been when I have had an open mind and just gone. And I've learn so much about the different aspects of this life.

Selflessness or lack of has a tremendous impact on a relationship. I want to spend my life with someone who understands selflessness. Because I would rather have someone care more about me than himself because I know that I would do the same. It is so important to have this characteristic, it allows humility and love to be in the relationship. I find that a person that understands selflessness in a relationship tends to find others that share this same trait. I don't understand how a person can believe that they will be able to find someone who is selfless and kindhearted if they themselves don't possess those traits. There are just some traits that need to be mirrored. It also goes the other way, those who are selfish and prideful will probably be in a relationship with someone who has similar traits. This can create interesting situations through out the relationship. Most times a feeling that they have to defend themselves comes through. I would never want to be in that type of situation where my significant other is not on my side.

Balance in life gives the best kind of life. Having both selfishness and selflessness is how I wish to live my life, having the courage to do what needs to be done, to do what is best for me, and also being able to give my time, my kindness and one day my heart to someone else.

What is to be done?

2009-02-03T16:21:00.006-07:00

What is to be done? I find myself asking that question a lot lately. I feel like I have this curse on me. This is the curse where the person you want to ask you out doesn't, and not only that, hardly notices you. Meanwhile, the individuals you have no desire to ask you out are of course the ones that do. I ask myself how do I break this curse? Well I guess it takes proactiveness. It is so hard being a girl sometimes, guys just have to go in for "the kill" and ask out a girl. (Granted that is also hard) Girls on the other hand have to set the stage for that final act. Adjust the lightening, the right timing, and scenery to create that situation where a guy will feel like asking you out. Perhaps you wonder why don't I just ask a guy out. Well I have, many times. And have not been satisfied with the results. I find that my strong personality doesn't work well with guys that don't have enough fortitude to ask out a girl.

I am in an interesting situation right now. I am not the type of girl who falls for a guy quickly or easily. For most of my time I'm trekking this life alone, I've learned to live life without that companionship. So for me to actually fall for a guy is a big deal. And I have. But now I'm in this weird situation, I don't know what to do. I don’t know what to do and I can’t seem to remember how to flirt. Flirting with a guy that you know likes you is not a difficult task, but the other way around I'm not quite sure. Guys get spooked easily and it's almost as if you have to wade around in their environment until they become accustom to you being around. Basically like Jack Sparrow and sea turtles. You can slowly move closer without them bolting. The same can be said for girls. I have been in a relationship where everything was just moving too fast and I got spooked and I bolted.

It's been frustrating for me, I'm not my normal opinionated talkative person when I'm around him, I feel like he makes me nervous which is a foreign feeling. I guess at the end of the day it doesn't really matter, he is pretty much clueless and I want a guy that likes me for me. With his focus being elsewhere, doesn't know that I'm standing there in front of him. I’ve thought about that a lot, wondering if I have done that very thing. Been so focused on something else in my life that I didn't look up and see him standing there. And maybe he was an amazing guy, and I just didn't see it because I never looked at him. And then when I finally did look up he was gone. I guess only time will tell what is to be done.

Bed of Roses

2008-12-04T09:22:00.012-07:00

What makes relationships so complicated? Why are they so hard?

While in or even before a relationship begins, time is not an element often considered to be a factor. Because this underlying condition has such an affect on relationships many end or never even begin.

I love the concept of time. It is so fascinating to me. How the timing of certain events in your life changes the outcome completely. Thus the saying “at the right place at the right time”

When it comes to relationships it is said that timing is everything. Well I don’t think it’s everything, but it certainly plays a crucial role in the outcome of a relationship or if one will even start. I think of it in relating to elevators. Sometimes you ride the elevator alone, sometimes you miss the elevator, but sometimes you make it to the elevator and that other person is on the same elevator and it works. Maybe perhaps sometimes there is someone holding the elevator door for you, waiting for you to get on. But it is being together on the same level or in this case elevator.

Everyone is different; everyone sees and feels things differently, at different speeds, at different moments and in different degrees. So of course individuals are going to have issues with relationships. When does it work perfectly? When the timing is right, when both persons are on the same level at the same time, wanting the same thing. But, this is not always the case. A lot of times one person develops feelings for another, and the other does not reciprocate these same feelings. Or perhaps that person does not reciprocate the same feelings at the same time. A lot of dating issues come from one person not being on the same level as the other. One is pursuing the other, and if there is not an immediate mirroring of feelings the pursuer stops pursuing. But maybe there is more to that, maybe the pursuer had months to obtain interest and a desire to pursue. And immediate reciprocal of feelings would in fact be irrational. So timing comes into play, one individual may have had longer to develop feelings than another. But still this doesn’t always matter because different people develop interest at different speeds, degrees and also in different ways.

So is this where patience begins? And when does being patient begin to not be in your best interest?

These are difficult questions. I’m a logical thinker, which is not always a good mix with relationships. Usually I look at the situation and ask myself, “Is this worth the risk? the time? the energy?” “What is the probability that this relationship will work out? Is the probability worth it?” Will my investment of time and energy be worth the risk and end result. In the case of being patient, asking yourself similar questions and assessing the situation could be just what you needed. First, you need to ask yourself, ok is this relationship in the “not going to happen” or “perhaps” or “ya, could happen” stage. Obviously if it’s in the “not going to happen” stage, it is time to peruse the selection of singles again. Ok, once you’ve got a feel for what stage, ask yourself another question, is the time and effort that I will put into this be worth the end result? And if the answer is yes, then yea it might be beneficial to you to be patient. Sometimes love is not gained through an immediate connection, or by dating, but sometimes through smaller ways, through friendship and kindness. And though they weren’t totally on board before, small moments can add up and turn into a wonderful relationship.

So perhaps you decided to be patient, when is it no longer the best thing for you? I don’t think there is a one single moment that determines this, but perhaps when you are no longer happy. Sometimes I feel that we are masochistic, in that we put ourselves knowingly through pain. It’s painful when you’re in the “friendzone” and you want to be more than that. But yet you stay because you feel that seeing this person everyday is better than not seeing them at all. There will be a point where either there is a relationship or there isn’t.

My friend JP gave the example of the movie “Bed of Roses” In the story Lewis sends this woman (Lisa) he doesn’t even know flowers. In reality a guy like this becomes a creepin’ creeper. Lisa is unsure about him, but he is persistent continually giving her flowers, he’s in too deep, he is in love. Lewis was ready to be in love. But sometimes we are not all ready to open our hearts, sometimes we’ve been hurt, sometimes we feel that we don’t have time for love. There is a fear in opening up to others, you don’t necessarily need to be completely open. Being able to be open and feel comfortable telling someone anything comes with time. This is another gradual process. It’s normal to feel like you can't tell someone everything or anything. A trust and a bond need to be built. There are many aspects of relationships that aren’t fast, that take time to grow and develop.

With the fast paced society and so many instant things surrounding us, we are used to, instant communication, instant breakfast, instant results, instant knowledge ect... Things are so readily available, but love is not instant, love is not shrink-wrapped and ready to buy. Love and relationships need to be able to grow. Relationships take effort and patience in the amount of time it can take to grow. So love and relationships take time, effort, patience and growth.

We all want to be in love, there is nothing else like it. But there are some who are afraid of being in love. Patience is sometimes what helps with those who are afraid. But most importantly love is not instant. The secret recipe only has two ingredients, the right person at the right time.

Why a Mustang?

2008-10-30T14:08:00.014-06:00

I have often been asked the question "why did you buy a mustang tina?" or "everyone has a mustang, why would you want one." Well, let's take a trip back to seven-year old Tina to gain a better understanding. When I was seven years old I got a red mustang barbie car for Christmas. I think this is where the love for mustangs really started. That was the coolest car, you could even adjust the car to take just two people or four people. Surprisingly, Ken didn't drive the mustang, it was Barbie's car and she drove it. Wonder if that has any connection to my personality.

Another factor was my Dad and his dad. Both lovers of cars, my grandpa was a mechanic and taught my Dad. I found a connection to my Dad and also Grandfather through cars. At a young age I was able to name cars, and distinguish between different makes. There have been times where our whole conversation would revolve around cars and I loved it. My Dad is a incredibly smart guy and I have learned a lot from him. We both own mustangs now. I suppose it's a compliment, he bought on shortly after I bought mine. Guess he thought I had a really cool car, or I just wasn't allowed to have the fastest car in the family. His has the Shelby GT version.

History has always been so intriguing to me. Why are people the way they are? what makes them believe the way they do? how can I better understand this culture? I believe that the Ford Mustang is one of the most successful car ever. It has been around since 1964 1/2, it certainly has with stood the test of time. In an article this was stated "We embrace the Pony wars," said James Owens, Mustang marketing manager. "Mustang is the authentic American muscle car. In fact, Mustang is the only one of the original pony cars from the 1960s to live on into the 21st century with no interruption in production." 1. It is an American Dream car, the hard working, middle income individual can afford a mustang, a sports car. It represents America and freedom to me.

Technical details of my mustang. It can go 0-60mph in 6.6 seconds, and does a 15 second quarter mile. 2. Here's a little perspective the Chevy Corvette (C6 ZO6, this car is a V8) does the quarter mile in 12.2 seconds. The Mustang V8 does it in 13.5 seconds. 15 seconds is not to shabby for a v6 car. And I can get 30 miles to the gallon on the freeway :)

Interesting conversations have come from this topic. Many times I get the argument that the reason they would not buy a mustang is because "everyone has one." I thought about this comment and came to this conclusion. The reason for not wanting to get a mustang because "everyone has one" is so you don't appear to be influenced by popular culture. But isn't the underlining reason to make decisions not based on what others are doing? Not liking something because everyone has it is or likes it is doing the same thing, but the opposite. Instead of getting it, you are refusing to purchase. Either way, both actions are dependent on what others are doing. Whether you are choosing to follow or reject. Instead a decision not based on others is how a true independent decision is accomplished.

Giselle the 2007 Mustang
V6
210 horsepower
vista blue
manual
0-60 in 6.6 seconds
added billet grille :)

hooray for history, i totally sited the sources :)

1. http://media.ford.com/newsroom/feature_display.cfm?release=24065
2. http://www.modernracer.com/fordmustangv6.html

First Dates are like Job Interviews

2008-10-23T10:05:00.009-06:00

First Dates are like Job Interviews

You may wonder why I think first dates are like job interviews. I think that both persons are interviewing one another. There are lots of similarities between dates and job interviews.

#1 Shower
Yup.

#2 Wear something nice
Don't make girls feel awkward when you show up in some wrinkled t-shirt you found on your bedroom floor. I think that if girls are putting effort into getting ready for a date, boys should also put some effort in also. You don't have to dress up like you would for a job interview but they same concept is there. Dress to impress. Girls are usually more fashion conscience and will be able to tell if you wore your favorite old t-shirt and beat-up pair of shoes.

#3 Be on time
I've had personal experience with this one. Let me say it's not the best way to impress a girl. In fact I was thoroughly unimpressed. Make it feel like you prepared to go on a date with her. This is not a casual hang out type setting where you show up at your leisure. A date is planned.

#4 Have some conversation prepared.
Interview tips always suggest to have some conversation and questions prepared beforehand for a job interview. Think of some questions you would really like answered. What do you want to talk about on this date? What questions are going to help you get to know this girl better? Being prepared with conversation can help during those slightly awkward first date moments of silence.

#5 Do some research
If you are interested, do some research. While talking to her, make mental notes of favorites, things she enjoys doing, what she does not enjoy. Experiences that she has had, which are just more pieces to the puzzle. It is always good to research a company before you interview with them, usually reading their website and understanding what exactly the companies does along with their mission statement helps determine interest. However, that girl you are interested doesn't have a mission statement on the internet, (unless you know how to properly use facebook) getting to know her as a friend first can help determine if she is worth the effort.

Be prepared.

Both are seeing if there is a fit for both, and if the first interview went well, there will be a second interview (or date). Interviews with companies or "dates" are not one-sided. Companies are looking for the right fit, and so are people who are dating. Sometimes there are very good candidates that fulfill a lot of qualifications, but sometimes they are also not the best fit. Many times the timing may not be right. And the person that came for an interview is trying to apply for a position that is not open at the moment. Take the time to prepare physically and mentally.

After talking with a friend, this was suggested. That a screening process is also in place when dating. So even before an interview canadites are screened and not all applicants are choosen for an interview. This is especially effective if your position is in high demand.

Secrets of females: What guys should be doing

2008-10-15T09:59:00.007-06:00

Listen, and communicate back.

Are respectful. Not just of her, but of others.

Open doors whether it is car door or door to a building.

Are honest, no one wants to be lied to, don’t be so afraid to hurt her feelings that you lie. That is never the right way to go.
On a side note: If you are going to break up with a girl, don't put her through misery first by being mean, attempting to make her break up with you. Stop being a pansy, tell her how you feel. Breaking up is as much a part of dating as getting together. Express your feelings, and ya of course she'll be mad, no one likes to be dumped. But be kind and considerate of the situation.

Give Flowers! Find out her favorite flower. You don’t need a reason to give her flowers, sometimes it means even more when there is no reason.

Pay. Much is seen in a guy that pays.
Another side note: Guys ever wonder why girls don't like to pick where to eat... well maybe it is because you are the one paying. As girls we do not know where you feel comfortable eating. We do not know your financial situation. Options are always a good way to go. But don't try to escape responsibility by throwing it at us.

Kisses on the forehead are amazing. Way incredible amazing. At least my heart flutters.

Tell her she’s beautiful. Whether it's your wife, your sister, your mother, or your grandmother. Some days we just don't feel like we are beautiful, and hearing it on those days makes all the difference. But especially tell your wife/fiancee/girlfriend, we need to know that you think we are beautiful.
Side note:(Tell her she looks cute when she’s mad)

Do little things just because. Send a note because you were thinking of her. Pay attention notice things that she likes and surprise her with them. Take the initiative and be creative. This is the basic formula for being romantic.

Take time figure out what’s wrong don’t just walk away. A girl wants to know if you are a guy that is going to stick around through the good and bad. She is going to watch how you react.

Talk! Add to the conversation, girls love to talk, but they also like to listen. Show them you can carry an intelligent conversation.

Take the initiative, don’t always wait for her.

Dance with her, whether at a dance, a wedding, or in the middle of a street.

Tease, flirt with her, be playful. There is something about being playful and flirty.
(throw her in the water or pretend to throw her in.)

Take care of her. Give her your jacket when she’s cold. Give her soup when she is sick. Give her support when she is scared and sad.

Touch her arms softly, run you fingers through her hair.

Tell her how you feel. Whether it is a simple, “I enjoy spending time with you” to “I miss you” to “I love you”

Treats as an equal, girls are not dishwashers, instead help or do them for her without her asking.
Side note: Men and women are not the same, but should be equal in a relationship. Equal in the sense of one person does not control the relationship. But two people communicating and deciding together how to handle situations. Men and women are made for different purposes, one is not better than the other. Just different. It just makes sense for a man and women to be together, opposites compliment each other, and the missing pieces are filled in.

Girls spend time getting all dolled up for you, don’t make her feel all awkward when you show up in so old t-shirt and your favorite pair of beat up shoes.

You are a reflection of her taste and judgment. Be someone that they want to introduce to their friends and family. She does not want to worry about whether or not you will say or do something inappropriate or rude.

Goals in Life

2008-10-15T09:57:00.007-06:00

To be a good person is my goal in life. I feel it will bring the most happiness. I don’t feel that I need all the bling that the media presents as so necessary for happiness. The happiest people are those who are engaged with what they are passionate about. Those who serve others willingly and forget about themselves. Family is what should be desired and praised for it can bring the greatest joy.

I want to be an amazing companion. I have a desire to share my life with one man. I want to support and be supported. I believe that the person you marry is the most important decision that a person can make. It shouldn’t be taken lightly. You will spend everyday for fifty or so years with this person, it should be a person you want to see everyday when you wake up, someone you can’t wait to see when you come home. I want to love someone as much as they love me.

I want to be an amazing wife and mother. I feel that not enough importance is placed on the role that a mother plays in a family. Good families raise good children, who are good people. This is usually the pattern. There would be better people in the world if children were raised better. I do feel that a career is important. I feel that it could be very fulfilling. Work and motherhood have different kinds of satisfaction. Work satisfaction is usually visual or tangible and immediate. Many times satisfaction is seen in a bonus or promotion. Motherhood does not have a promotion period or extra bonus at the end of the year. But the satisfaction is through out your life with them and continues later on when you see that your child is a successful individual.

Principles and Thoughts of Life

2008-10-15T09:46:00.010-06:00

Balance

There are several principles about life that I believe. I believe that the key in life is balance. That your life is the best when it is balanced. Not too much of anything. For example, not to much work or you will miss the finer things in life. Not too much fun and play for you will become lazy and feel inadequate. Plus, when there is work to be done and it is ignored, it doesn't go away. Balance in what you put in your body. I do not believe in diets just eating correctly and being smart. A balance in a relationship. A balance of time spent with them. It is important that while in any relationship there is balance and space is available. One thing that I feel girls do not do enough in relationships is let their boyfriend have fun with his boys. Seriously, guys need that time to be silly, cause trouble, be loud and run around. Girls need their own time to, sometimes you just need to be with your own gender. The best relationships are when there is a balance. When each love each other the same amount. When one doesn't feel more benefited by the relationship than the other, but both feel their life is better with the other person in it. Balanced is needed or your life will be sideways. A lot of unhappiness can come from a life without balance. Set priorities on different aspects of your life and find a happy median.

Happiness

First, I think that many times unhappiness comes from being stagnant. The feeling of sitting in a row boat in the middle of the pond but not moving, and for a long time you are sitting there in the middle of the algae green pond, and the bugs begin to buzz around your head. And until you pick up that oar and starting rowing the bugs will continue to buzz. To be happy one needs to be constantly evolving and moving forward. Having that feeling of accomplishment and necessity. This can be a tricky situation, a person can be moving forward and still unhappy because of too high of expectations. Someone may never be satisfied. Yet moving forward and refining to be the best can bring a lot of happiness. I believe that part of this evolution and or growing is education, constantly striving to learn and broaden the spectrum of knowledge. To become a more aware person, to have the ability to think for oneself. Too many people rely on the opinions of others, not taking the time to put serious thought in their formed opinions of the world. I have seen far too many situations where people believe the media and their biases. Be your own person, think for yourself.

One of the ways that I find happiness is serving others, finding ways to help and serve. I feel the world becomes more and more selfish.

Time

Time is remarkable concept. It never seems to go at the speed that one desires. Time drags on when you are bored, anxious, upset, yet speeds by when times are the best. I believe that time does heal everything. And that at the moment of the episode all looks lost and hopeless. But as time moves forward both parties move on and the pain settles. I have experienced the bitterness and the darkness of depression. Not being able to see happiness. Feeling like I don't have the energy to move forward. But family and friends help you find that lost light. It takes time to forget, it takes time to heal. It takes time to completely understand why. And sometimes we never completely understand.

Carl Sandburg describes time as a coin, time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you.

And of course wise words from Gandalf "All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us"